Mads.nakey Midwestthangs.mp4 < Cross-Platform >

It’s not a condiment; it’s a beverage. If it doesn't have ranch on it, is it even food?

You don't just leave. You have to do the 'Midwest Goodbye.' It starts with a thigh-slap and a 'Welp, I suppose...' then you talk in the doorway for 45 minutes, then you talk by the car for another 20. mads.nakey midwestthangs.mp4

You never get your Tupperware back. If you bring a dish to a potluck, that container now belongs to the Midwest void. It’s a gift to the community. It’s not a condiment; it’s a beverage

When you’re driving on a backroad and you see another car, you have to do the 'one-finger salute' off the steering wheel. Just the index finger. Anything more is too aggressive. You have to do the 'Midwest Goodbye

If you bump into someone, or if you almost bump into someone, or if you’re just existing in someone’s general vicinity, you have to say, 'Ope!' It’s not a choice, it’s a reflex. 'Ope, just gonna squeeze past ya there.'

We don’t use miles. Everything is measured in time. 'How far is it?' 'Oh, about twenty minutes.' Ope, see ya later then!"

We don't have hobbies; we have the weather. 'It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.' Or, 'We really needed this rain.'