Use this narrative only in informal settings or as a joke among friends who understand internet subculture.
If you are looking for a way to handle a situation without actually using profanity, consider these "civilized" alternatives often mentioned in similar satirical guides:
"I suggest you embark on an erotic journey in a southerly direction."
A "proper story" in this context usually refers to a famous humorous text or "instruction" circulating in the Russian-speaking internet that frames the act of telling someone off as a high-art form or a structured process.
"I feel our paths have diverged to the point where your presence is no longer required in my itinerary."
The story usually follows these stages to explain how to do it "properly": 1. Preparation and Calmness Never do it in a fit of rage.
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